Thursday, May 13, 2010
What a rollercoaster ride!
I know you aren't supposed to ride rollercoasters when you're pregnant, but we have been on a non-stop one since yesterday. I didn't update you after my first doctor's visit because frankly, there was nothing new to tell. They confirmed that I was pregnant, did some (okay, A LOT of) bloodwork, asked questions about our medical history and did all the usual female check-ups. I was shocked when they said I should come in for an ultrasound the following Wednesday. They said we couldn't hear the heartbeat until 8 weeks, but they still wanted to look so they could get a more accurate due date. Nick and I were thrilled! We couldn't wait to finally see our baby! Well, unfortuantely, there wasn't a baby to see. Just an empty gestational sac. We were broken-hearted and confused. The ultrasound tech said that my sac measured 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, so it's possible that I'm earlier than we thought, which would explain why we couldn't see anything. Then she said that it could mean I had a blighted ovum. That means that the sac that protects the baby develops, but the baby doesn't make it. She wanted us to see the doctor on call so that he could answer any questions we might've had. I was unsuccessfully fighting back tears when the doctor came in. He reiterated what the ultrasound tech told us, saying that there could be a baby or there may not be. The only way to know for sure is to give the baby more time to develop. So, we'll go back for a second ultrasound on May 24th. He told us not to lose hope. I've tried to be strong ever since we left the doctor's office, but it's hard. I'm going to be completely honest with you, I know that this an incorrect way to think, but I have felt like if I cry about it, that's saying that I don't trust God. I know that's not true and that it is okay to cry. I know that God understands my pain and confusion. I'm feeling much better now after reading story after story of women who had the same diagnosis and then saw a baby and heartbeat at the second ultrasound. There is ALWAYS hope when you serve the God we do! We want this situation to bring Him glory, no matter what the outcome is. I know He has a plan greater than anything we could imagine! But, please do pray for us. Pray for God's will. We only want what He wants, no matter what that is. For now, I'm going to keep praising Him for this baby, because I have hope that he/she is still in there.