Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Not Good News

Well, to just throw it out there...I'm having a miscarriage. We went in this morning, and I was very excited to see my baby again and see it's little heart beating. Unfortuantely, there were a lot of things wrong. There was no heartbeat, the baby measured smaller this time than it did at the last ultrasound, and the yolk sac was too large. My doctor said that if just one of those things were wrong, then she wouldn't be alarmed. But, to have all three of them happen at once, it was pretty clear that I would miscarry. As you can imagine, Nick and I were devastated. I took the day off work and we just came home and cried. I wasn't ready to "give in" and didn't want to admit that this was happening. But then at dinner, the inevitable happened. I started to bleed. That was hard to take in. I came out of the bathroom (we were at the Cracker Barrel) and sat down at the table and just hugged Nick. He wrapped his arms around me and cried too. And then he pointed out the song that was playing on the radio, "Somebody's Praying." Wow. What words. It was just what we needed right then. I can't explain it, but through this horrible day, I have felt closer to God than ever and closer to my sweet husband than I ever have. We know that God has a plan and is in control. I know that whatever happens, He will use for our good, because we love Him. (Romans 8:28) I know that we'll have our sad moments and happy moments. I'm grateful for the few moments of peace I've had, so that I could have the courage to sit down and write. But, I do know that the tears will come again and I know that that's okay.

I've been in your shoes before. I have had to talk to women after they've gone through a miscarriage and haven't known what to say or how to act. So, now that I'm on this side, I just want you to know that if you see or talk to me, I am fine to talk about it. You can ask us anything and you don't have to tip-toe around us, wondering if you're saying the right thing (as I've wondered before) but, I can promise you that we are so thankful and encouraged just knowing that you love us. We love you!

I can't wait to write again in a few months with news that I'm "Bakin another Akin!"

-Nick and Julie


  1. I am sending you the biggest hug I can from Minnesota, Nick and you will be in our thoughts and prayers for the next few months!

  2. praying for y'all. You have a little one waiting for you in will meet your child one day!

  3. Julie, I don't know if you remember me from the WC board (this is laki) but I saw your post and wanted to give you some hugs. I've been in your shoes and know what you're feeling, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so, so sorry. :(

  4. Oh Julie, I am so sorry for you and Nick. Like you said, though, God is in control. Sometimes it is so easy to give him control, but so hard to let him keep it. I can't even imagine how tough this is for you and Nick. What I do know is that God is holding you in the palm of his hand and would never let anything happen to you that isn't a part of his grander plan. My prayers to you both.

  5. Julie, my heart goes out to you. What a hard loss. Just want to know that I am praying for you and know that YOU know He is in control. You have a great spirit and I know that you will be carried through this. Hugs to you!